The schizophrenic soul

[Mindlor Alirak]

Mindlor Alirak, arch mage of soul magic, former leader of Apologists of Equilibrium ... and self diagnosed soul schizofrenia.

Have you ever had intrusive thoughts? Ever felt that something was inexplicably wrong or right?
The soul is an entity inside of everyone, living in symbiosis in another plane with your body, where it needs to etch itself for survival.

It needs you to surive just as much as you need it to survive.

Most people live blissfully ignorant of this fact, while some are affected more than they think.

There are two main connections to "speak" with the soul, either with feelings / instinct / body, or logically via the mind through will.

Most strong warriors, craftsmen, animals have the former strong connection, while mages have the latter.
In some cases, you can have both, but are usually limited in both.

The connection can be trained, the souls can come in different varieties, qualities and talents, just like any other individual.
Depending on the soul, type of connection and the strength, its effects can differ from person to person.

The strongest warriors usually have a strong connection to their soul, increasing their adaptability, strength and insticts.
While mages can get immaculate control over energies through will.

Being able to manipulate one's soul to affect others are rare, but the effects vary for each person due to their own individual connection and strength of their soul.
You can instill a subconscious will onto a mage, or a subconscious feeling onto a warrior, e.g.

How much this subconscious action affects the individual, is all up to the connection.

Back to Mindlor however.

Leaning back in his old cushioned chair, he was viewing the gloomy room where darkness felt inviting, or rather ... was being invited.

Beyond the corner of his mind, his core, his partner in life, his very soul was tired, yet radiate insatiable rage.
Could he even call it his soul anymore? Was he even .... his anymore?

Slowly opening his physical body to "feel" more, he could feel his heart beat increase with clear, determined certainty, but he closed off just as quickly.

Even in the darkness, he could see the normally chaotic dust that would flow unindeterminately evade his presence.

His sense of self was still there, at least his past self, experiences and thoughts.
But every day, he could feel his reasoning being affected subconsciously more and more.
He knew why, yet, he couldn't alleviate the issue as it was etched to his very core.

Thinking back to the days when life was simplier, when he could comfortably exist in Olerrath's, his brother's, shadow.

Remembering back when they both should've died.
Maybe it would've been better, if they did.

Mindlor was always the one who sided with cowardice, while Olerrath being the opposite one.
In an attempt to balance out things, Mindlor always followed Olerraths escapades.
From Mindlor's perspective, he always felt when things were going awry, while Olerrath seemed blissfully ignorant.

Olerrath's perspective, hwoever, Mindlor was always complaining about potential dangers, instead of just living life to its fullest.

This blissful joy was further enhanced when both Olerrath and Mindlor were accepted as novices into the magic academy, further increasing the potential dangers.

The ironic nature of ignorance, is that it tends to make itself aware...
Maybe it would've been better, if ignorance wasn't made aware...

One fateful day when exploring dungeons with Olerrath, Mindlor felt something telling him that he would die if they continued on.

Even if the intensity was increased this time, they have been able to achieve victory time and time again in the past.
It was thusly ignored. He was just as tired of Olerrath's complaints about the matter, as Olerrath was of his "unjustified fear".

Entering into a huge room from a small opening, they arrived in a humid room where the sound of droplets hitting the ground which substituted the normalcy of silence.

The next moment, a roar echoed in the cavern.
What entailed next, his mind must have blocked.

The echoes of droplets rescinded...
Maybe it would've been better if the droplets were the only disturbance of silence ...

He woke up, feeling empty ... as if something was dying inside of him. The silence .. overbearing.
His body was felt whole, but empty, as if the very part of his existence was bleeding out.

To the side of him, Olerrath lay in a pool of blood, with only his forced breaths indicating that he still clung to life.

In front of him, however, layed a motionless dragon, staring at him with pure unfiltered rage.
He could see the life slowly fading from its eyes, but the rage ever continuing.

The emptiness within him suddenly screamed out in pain.
How can emptiness scream? What screamed?

Something split ... or someone?
He could something digging inside of him, but outside the physical reach.
He .. felt .... mad .... mad at himself and his brother.
These weren't his feelings ....

An inkling.... such as a long-forgotten memory wanting to be remembered, told him that his soul was being forcefully replaced by the dragon's.

Feeling panic creep up, the realization that death was imminent in one way or another.
He would never let.... this thing... hurt Olerrath further in any way, so a decision had to be made.
Unbuckling a knife from his belt, he brought the knife to his throat.

The moment the tip touched his throat, he could feel the rage dissipating from beyond the reach, replaced by fear.
"So you want to live? Either we both die here, or....."
He pressed harder, blood starting to run down the knife.

Not understanding completely what was going on, he could only try to feel its reactions.... was it ... submission?

The hollow emptiness within him was now being filled, but not forcefully this time.
He could feel himself recovering, taking back control.

But as the pieces fell back in place of his own puzzle.... did some pieces really look like that? Did it really ... feel like that?
Were there even that many pieces to begin with?

Calming himself down, he tried to ascertain what he could do this very moment.

Olerrath had to be helped, but magic was completely out of the question in his unstable state.

A new realization occured .... he could "feel" his brother's life slipping away slowly.
Fortunately, the damage to Olerrath was severe, but treatable with medicinal knowledge.

Going forward, he felt that his connection has been strengthened in both ways ... but corrupted.
The corrupted part of his soul only affected the unevolved instinctual connection.

The future proved that Mindlor sought dangers more and more, overachieveing Olerrath.

This event lead to new understandings of his own entity, where he dedicated his life of studying his very own phenomena, but the nature of his problems were always kept hidden from public.

Back to his room, Mindlor realized what has been both won and lost.
He knew that it would keep affecting him, but maybe it was better like this?

Looking to out of the window, viewing the comet.

While viewing the comet, a sudden unprovoked feeling made him think ...
"Wouldn't it be better if everything ... just BURNED...."

A slight smirk etched to his face, as if agreeing with the feeling.